Should the professional writer use italics to indicate character’s thoughts? Fill_up_with_silence said elsewhere on this blog:
Please please get rid of the italics. To be honest, they’re what I call an ‘amateur’ technique. i.e. it’s a cheat for a lazy or unskilled writer. If you can’t think of how to embed the current POV’s thoughts in the text, then you probably don’t need them. The worst case, use ‘he thought’…i.e. “Bugger,” thought Zhang, “More italics.”
Honestly, if you want your book to stand any chance of being publshed, then don’t use this technique. Trust me on this. I know from whence I speak.
So here is the current version of the first few opening paragraphs without italics:
Michael heard a click, felt the tube grow hot in his hands and saw the black hole swerve down towards it. Down? Should go up! He watched the shadow curving gracefully towards the jagged metal and for a long moment his mind was filled with terrible realisations. Kissov must have reversed the current while Sam and I were reversing the tube. The black hole’s going to hit the magnet. Sam Fitzpatrick was standing before him, the top of the heavy toroid on his shoulder, watching the shadow slipping closer. He’s going to be sucked in first. Then the hole will come down, hit me and then the ground. It’s futile to try to get away.
Even though he knew he would be dead within a second, Michael continued to observe and mentally record, as his years of scientific training had taught him. He saw the black hole hit the heavy magnet, watched it lift off the concrete floor like a straw, saw it carry Sam up and felt himself dragged after it. He heard the heavy cables snap behind him. The cavern ballooned out and faded until he lost sight of it. Michael held his breath, waiting for the pain. Gravitational tides are going to tear me apart any moment.
But it took longer than he expected. He still had a few moments of lucidity in which he could observe and analyse. To his surprise he found himself enveloped in a red glow. I thought it would be black. Looks like the glow from something hot. Ahead of him the maelstrom of debris that the black hole had already absorbed from ATLAS swirled round in the redness, growing distorted as it fell. The red light could be from friction between these particles.
Then he felt himself being stretched and pain began to overwhelm him, pain in every part of his body. He heard Sam scream beside him: “Christ have mercy!” The whole Earth will be following us soon. It’s inevitable. Everyone is going to die like this. The pain grew to an unbearable level and Michael’s mind failed to function on a logical level. As the pain grew Michael was overcome by anguish. What a pity I’ll never be able to record this. No scientist will ever know what it’s really like as you approach the event horizon. But the regret at the loss of scientific information was replaced by a fear, not for himself, but for the whole of humanity. The pain filled his being and he felt his life ebbing away.
Yes, the reader can work out which part is the character’s thoughts and which are the narrator, but it requires effort. Every sentence he’s asking himself “is this the character or the narrator?” I want to make the reader’s life as easy as possible, to give him the least excuse for stopping reading.
With italics it looks like this:
Michael heard a click, felt the tube grow hot in his hands and saw the black hole swerve down towards it. Down? Should go up! He watched the shadow curving gracefully towards the jagged metal and for a long moment his mind was filled with terrible realisations. Kissov must have reversed the current while Sam and I were reversing the tube. The black hole’s going to hit the magnet. Sam Fitzpatrick was standing before him, the top of the heavy toroid on his shoulder, watching the shadow slipping closer. He’s going to be sucked in first. Then the hole will come down, hit me and then the ground. It’s futile to try to get away.
Even though he knew he would be dead within a second, Michael continued to observe and mentally record, as his years of scientific training had taught him. He saw the black hole hit the heavy magnet, watched it lift off the concrete floor like a straw, saw it carry Sam up and felt himself dragged after it. He heard the heavy cables snap behind him. The cavern ballooned out and faded until he lost sight of it. Michael held his breath, waiting for the pain. Gravitational tides are going to tear me apart any moment.
But it took longer than he expected. He still had a few moments of lucidity in which he could observe and analyse. To his surprise he found himself enveloped in a red glow. I thought it would be black. Looks like the glow from something hot. Ahead of him the maelstrom of debris that the black hole had already absorbed from ATLAS swirled round in the redness, growing distorted as it fell. The red light could be from friction between these particles.
Then he felt himself being stretched and pain began to overwhelm him, pain in every part of his body. He heard Sam scream beside him: “Christ have mercy!” The whole Earth will be following us soon. It’s inevitable. Everyone is going to die like this. The pain grew to an unbearable level and Michael’s mind failed to function on a logical level. As the pain grew Michael was overcome by anguish. What a pity I’ll never be able to record this. No scientist will ever know what it’s really like as you approach the event horizon. But the regret at the loss of scientific information was replaced by a fear, not for himself, but for the whole of humanity. The pain filled his being and he felt his life ebbing away.
I still think that italics helps the reader, but for now I’ll leave them out and see what happens. I’d be glad to know what readers think about this.
